I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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