I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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