When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A+ Viking dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
