i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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