She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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