her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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