I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
