the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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