I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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