i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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