You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
