he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
