I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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