I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
