His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
