i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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