Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
