"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
