I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Congratulations! We have a period
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
try to milk me bitch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
