I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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