Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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