There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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