have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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