So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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