I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
