C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
