the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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