weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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