i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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