he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
