Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
