Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
