I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
