If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
