apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
