Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
