I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
