Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
