i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how does that bad decision feel?
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