I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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