Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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