If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
