Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
