Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Panties = found
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
