I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
