The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
