I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You ruined the universe
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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