Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
