I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
