Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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